another door of dimension

time is slipping away. i have been feeling numb. i am definitely in my stage of downtown. everything is gona change soon.

even i changed. not as loud, crazy, lame, unpredictable as i was. am i growing old? haha maybe just playing safe, cos i dont want so much drama in my life. i am enjoying the stability now.. but im getting tired of it.. but what bout it? it is all gona change once i land in newcastle.

it is as if i am in d scene where everyone is walking past me in the streets while i am just standing there, observing them silently...

stability. yeah, we yearn for them but i cant to seem balance both excitement n stability in life. yeah, someone did mention i am always playing the extreme card. what if i get bored easily, getting attached, doing the right thing, playing the responsible role. i dont want to suddenly explode all of a sudden and throw away everything i have .

yea, i dont trust people that much. never did. cant blame me. i cant be bothered this time of the year. yeah, i admit i am harsh. deal with it, alright.

i definitely need a change of scene, new air to breathe. going to the U.K would do me good. but i have to adapt, be independent, and BALANCE. studies and play. i wonder can i snag a first- class? will i have to throw all my playtime?

well, i know i have to shine once again. it is now or never in my final year. maybe i will find what i wanna do in my life. mayb i will come to terms who i am becoming. maybe i will understand my ever-changing behaviour every year. mayb my behaviour changes depending on my needs and priorities. or maybe we are jus growing up. Great, ... cos i HATE that word.

but who says growing up does not mean u dont have fun anymore?

it's going downhill

i know im gona lose it. i have tried. why cant things work out? yeah, why not? cos life is tough and we shud face it as an adult, where u cant gt tings that u alwiz want.

im tired of all this. compromise is no longer there. whats with the sudden anger and just ignoring me. this part of me is just going downhill. i wont tell others bout this. im used to it.

its both sides' fault . i never blame u.y cant we just do this together instead of ignoring me? tears just drop. i cant hold it in anymore.

if this wont work out i tink im gona take a break when im in d uk. it is time for me-time in this one year period.

if no1 is gona help me, im just gona help myself. thats hw it is.

ive committed, ive not lied, ive tried, i have seen u tried. but not this time.

i hv predicted change. n yeah life will alwiz have changes. but y now?

what do u wanna me do den? i asked u. u just ignore. keeping that - just go home- look. why cant we just try to settle dis? straight in d face.

whatever happens, i still have myself to rely on. and that's that.

insanity

am going insane. i cant take it anymore

The River

The stagnant river is finally Flowing

hehe. oh hapie that u have called =p

disInterest

it has become severe. this problem. eating into my life. I have allowed it to munch and seep deeper.

this disinterest. i did not know how much damage it could inflict. upon me. my future.. and possibly more. how can two personality be on crossroads like this?

Dilemma . what should I do? what will people think. Suddenly we became strangers.

Disinterest. Never knew it could caused me this effect. cost me that.

Disinterest. Go away

Alamak. NOOOOO

Darn. Im still Slacking.

and Bored. Guess it is Time for a Change. Before it is too Late.

Had a funny Night with the Seafood Gang. lol

and I realized im a little controlling. hehe. Im trying to change.

Give me some Slack. and Time.

argh....

But who is Gonna Whip me for Too Much Slacking. Though i wan a Whipper. But..

Dont Think I will Listen to her/ him. lol

toodles

hehehehe

I Love it When You Miss mua.

Muaxx

So Enjoy Those Moments

Cant be thinking too much. What can I do?

Maybe Slow Down. Enjoy D Present.

Prepare for d future?

I've seen Pictures from friends' sites.. showing how awesome and thrilling stepping onto another country. Such as The U.K.

but will I be Ever Ready? Thought so. No.

Haha, I have even thought that If i Could have decided again, I might not choose U.K. - thinking that I have everything I need here. Maybe I am wrong. But NO More What-ifs. It is Done.

We might think we have enough. This is IT. the One. My choice. My Final Awesome Result.

Cant be always Right. Cos it might be only true or feel true at That moment. What if it changes. Priorities swapped with other new things? - Fifteen by Taylor Swift. That's where I learned... from d music.

Guess. Just embrace the opportunity. I might feel uncomfortable. leaving my Nest. My Comfort Zone. My Cosy Bed. My cute family. But it is done. Just make The Most out of It =)

Helo 2010.

Fight. Strive. Harder. higher

Fight till the end. Fight till we win. Fight putting in everything we have. Fight for what we believe.

Fight

So how Do we Deal with Fights?

Fade Away. I cant Hear myself now.

time to face it.

I know that I have been going on and doing stuff Just to enjoy the moments. reckless perhaps? no idea.

time to buckle up?

decisions decisions. in the end, there will be a crossroad to decide. kinda hate it.

guess i;ve been in the shell. out from d world awhile. i figured out that was why i was suffocating. time to remedy my problems (or overturn conseqences)

ta-da. wont give up ^ ^

even relationships with other people. i realised something being deficient in my relationships. but i did not bother much to fix them at times. probably, I was scared to fix it. or think that it is best to leave it alone. more poking will do the damage.

or im just timid? haha yeah. i dont really socialize much these days.

solutions? still thinking and improving.

guess exercising my heart to maintain my relationships have gone beyond their extent. pretty good. i wouldnt want to ask WHAT IF i did it correctly... anymore.

Just grab hold of that person. those people. their hands. their hearts. never let go if u dont want them to.

It just takes Your sincerity, Humility, Time and Effort.

=)

Life is Full of surprises If you Open that Door